JAYDABEST

I might have said something about this before but…

I realise the only time i’m truly happy is when i’m looking forward to something good. not when i’m actually doing it, because then i would keep dwelling on it coming to an end. (though it doesn’t apply for ORD, haha) i’ve got many many examples just that i don’t feel like sharing it here. i don’t usually lock entries because then it defeats the purpose of a blog. the people who will read in the end are usually those who already know without me blogging about it. but yeah. i need to live my life looking forward to something, something that’s more, well, within reach than say, ORD.

The best thing about army is that sometimes i feel very peaceful at night. But the same nights, after the lights are out and everyone has gone to sleep, make for a lonely, melancholic kind of peace. It’s not good. I take quite awhile to fall asleep because i keep thinking and thinking about everything. whether it is the futility of my wishes against the all-powerful SAF or like, random girls. or ruminating over things that should be rightfully consigned to history.

As I’ve said before, i’ll just keep looking forward to every weekend, because the next best things in life are my bestest friends, emo QS, emo Hazel, emo Ben and Happy everyone else. And home sweet home. I’ve pretty much given up on organising gatherings because it is so troublesome and irritating when everybody seems to be perpetually busy.

Which brings me to the fact that the past week i’ve been going out fagging frequently with ms qinsheng!!! the week before i met ms benpoh on quite a regular basis too. can’t seem to remember seeing anyone else much. the stayin guys it’s understandable but the rest i don’t know why always MIA.

special shoutout: WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS BUSY WHEN EVERYONE IS BUSY AND FREE WHEN EVERYONE IS FREE? how to go out like that! today i spent 10 to 5 playing bejeweled wtf . i broke high score by quite a bit but to illustrate my point at the beginning of the post, i didn’t feel that great even though i was really like gunning for it the whole time. at the end of the day i guess Miley Cyrus is right– ‘it’s the cliiiiiiiiiiimb’ (ok stab me)

lunch with BMT section mates tmr looking forward to meeting Muz Kaiming Lester and the rest. haven’t seen my buddybuddy since block leave in early june!!! it’s gonna be so boomz!

ok cheers

last night was one of the more memorable and enjoyable nights of recent times. probably the most.

haha i know i keep going back to school council events to er, support the juniors. but mainly we just wanted to inject some fun in our drastically boring army lives. it all began when ben got us tickets from his brother nigel (thanks we love you) so ben, wk, jonhu, qs and i went. a nostalgic dinner at golden rooster marked the start of our glorious night. not to mention positively embarrassing as we spent most of the night crashing 948758916 entrances to the trail/maze, of which i shall not go into detail about.

but in the end after a lot of hassle, we did go through the legitimate way with random j1 girls. because of the stupid max-2-guys-in-one-group rule that we ourselves came up with 2 years ago. but i guess it was a blessing in disguise because it was more fun that way.

on scream itself i didn’t find it scary one bit except for all the sudden pop-up ghosts everywhere. maybe it’s because we’ve gone through it so many times already, albeit slightly different versions every year. or maybe it’s because i kept comparing with ours which i think was better okay la but it was still quite a good try on the whole the acting and setup were good just that the script and scare factor weren’t enough i think??? haha ok nvm i hope no one from 36th will read this.

but i guess the objective, both for us and for them, was achieved because the most important thing is to have fun even though i didn’t look like i did (because i really don’t know how to react to being scared) but it was really comical in a nice way so yes, mission accomplished (:

after that minus woankeng we went to flirt (not very successfully) with the 36th songs ic and following which we sat in the middle of the central plaza to wallow in self-pity and whine and emo and emo and emo about our pathetic ns lives.

god, i wanna ord.

On impulse and sheer emotions and part boredom i penned an entry on tuesday, after a fortuitous lunch gave me the opportunity to catch the first 20 mins or so of the documentary? on Hwa Chong. Anyway it’s definitely cool to see this all outside of HC for the first time, to feel so immensely proud of my school my home. It made me reflect to no end about My hwachong experience. irreplaceable, unique, glorious. i’m sure there are lots about other schools that i don’t know, duh. but if only there were ways to share with the friends in camp what it’s like. I’m so proud of my hwachong times, love it so much. even high school.

The past few weeks i’ve been frequently extremely annoyed by my dear bedbuddy Moses’ flaunting of AC and everything about it. and the very indiscreet bashing of  ‘chinatown’ hwachong and all. But more and more i find myself realising that there’s no point in all the return boasting and public gushing. These days whenever we compare schools i merely smile inwardly and just revel in my own treasure trove of recollections and fond, sweet memories.

Why is it always that separation and goodbyes must take place before i learn to appreciate the goodness and beauty of many many things? anyway, love hwachong a lot, in spite of everything hateful i’ve ever said about it (which is actually a lot, come to think of it)

Back to the CNA production. after reading through a couple of my friends’ blogs i do agree it’s rather cringeworthy at some points. and only serves to reinforce the chinatown image of our school. i loved the maf bits though, even though gross understatement was taken to new extremes with over-generalised declarations like oh, hwa chong provided me with fulfilling experiences and let me forge strong bonds with my friends. or something like that can’t exactly remember. i wish i got to watch the rest of the programme, but like qs expressed,

at the end of the day it just served to remind me of my happiest moments in Hwachong.

tuesday night was rainy and very lonely.

Grandslam 2’s just over for the guys, and judging from their stories it really was helluva 4 days for them. i’m glad i’m finally ‘ooc lo!’ (as i painstakingly smsed to everyone the previous friday)

Anyway, it meant that i had a lot of time to myself the past week while they were outfield. for the lack of things to do (between reading, eating and sleeping) i basically spent my time thinking deep thoughts. and not so deep thoughts. i scribbled a short diary entry for the first time since bmt ended. was considering transferring everything here but it’ll be pretty weird to replicate an entry centred around entirely different emotions. and there are issues i don’t want to publish on this platform.

on scribbling, i have done pretty a lot of that in my army journal, to add on to drafts of letters and poems haha. i have come up with many many lists of the most random things i could think of. like ranking my council friends ‘gold’, ’silver’ and ‘bronze’ in terms of friendship value hahahaha kill me i know. i have also tried recalling all the jaychou songs i like which is quite a number. and the different groups of people whose phone numbers i’ve lost and intend to dig out again. like 2g, 4g, a13, badminton, council, p6 friends and etc. and then there is a list of prospective names i’ll give to my children-to-be. and a list of qualities i want in a prospective partner. i repeat, kill me haha.

last night i was in a tempestuous mood, for seemingly mild reasons. primarily it was the whole world’s reluctance to go out last night after bookout. the bookout which was crazy delayed, unnecessarily somemore. okay that one wasn’t anyone’s fault. so i don’t blame anyone. but then i came home and the computer was still down with a killer virus. and i hate wasting precious time out of camp. so now i’m using the old laggy desktop, thankfully it still functions.

okay i’m gonna get changed already, meeting hazel and jijo and benpoh tonight at kap/al azhar. thankfully i still have my oldest friends around.

As ASLC goes into week 6, i’m feeling more and more hopeless and dead. taking the BSLC guys for a few days was relatively fun. made me feel like i shouldn’t have ooced. okay i’m not really ooc yet, but i believe i missed too much to continue already. my staff probably hates me too much to let me continue. at the moment i’m just dragging my feet through this course, doing nearly everything the others are doing, just that i know i will fail course in the end. it’s bearable la, but irritating. what to do, suck thumb yet again and cross my fingers i’ll get it soon. at this point i don’t think i’ll regret oocing. just that i don’t really mind being a sgt that much already.

okay no crying over spilt milk. i made the choice so i’ll stick to it.

the worst part about all this is that i don’t know what to look forward to. i’m not really interested in anything army anymore. i’m not even super excited by the possibility of a slack posting after i finally ooc.

outside of army, i don’t feel like i’ve anything much to look forward to too. there are moments i’ll feel significantly cheered up by the prospect of meeting my bestfriends the following weekend. whether for good ol’ heart-to-heart talks or partying, it doesn’t matter. i love good company. speaking of which, i’m finally going to meet up with the class clique this coming sat. it’s been eons.

other times, i feel like this phase in (a singaporean man’s) life is really mental torture. a year and four months to go. it wouldn’t be that bad if i still had my bslc mates with me. but no. i really don’t feel like i’ve many friends in those left. probably i can count them with a single hand. that’s probably why i go to sleep every night feeling so alone and hapless.

and oh by the way, it’s just been decreed that ankle socks are not allowed for book in/out. what kind of stupid kindergarten rule is that?

The past couple of weeks i’ve resumed contact with friends leaving for studies abroad. okay actually it’s just a few letters and smses and all. but doing that made me quite sad because i realised i haven’t talked to anyone else besides the usual guys i meet up with most weekends. and a few were actually good friends at various points of time. well it was still good seeing like shimin and yiming and huiping on maf. too bad thanks to army i couldn’t go to the airport. (cough xiu cough ying)

anyway, i realised i haven’t really grown out of my childhood fetishes loves such as pokemon and animorphs and jaychou. even though i’m slightly out-of-touch, i still feel warm and comforted thinking about them. just a random thought.

okay. at this point i just hope that staff wouldn’t give me too much trouble tmr when i return from att c. ooc soon please, and some stability in my ns life, thanks.

and SATURDAY! i can’t wait.

and then what?

was super.

contrary to some others i’ve been excited about it since quite some time ago. and now that it’s over i feel quite sad. but anyway it was really enjoyable. before i knew it the whole event was over already.

i enjoyed

- dinner with woankeng and jinyang and ben at sixth ave
- running around sch with the councilors
- reminiscing about our own maf 2 years ago
- seeing 7481940148195 familiar faces,
- talking to them
- and not so familiar but pleasant looking faces ie eye candies
- singing college songs
- mass dance with haha shimin
- the re-emergence of koh jun shyang (and mag)
- rotting away at inner plaza with councilors
- extra-ing at ecaco supper (not i thick skin, wk and jj pangsehed)
- liquids cafe and stayover and macs breakfast and htht with junjie

it was a real pity i didn’t get to meet up with yuxuan and calvin whom i really really haven’t seen in a very very long time especially the former whose commando spec vocation takes him to brunei and xanadu and disappearance.

also felt unbearably like climbing the citygate. a lot a lot.

i feel quite out-of-touch with blogging and writing in general but since i don’t wanna let this place rot and die (readership still sinking uncontrollably) it’s necessary i update as regularly as i can. hah. and hopefully this post sounds light-hearted enough. it’s definitely not my intention to “act emo” thanks shimin hahaha.

anyway next week sucks. i think i’m getting charged for “skipping the chain of command” please ask me for full story haha anyway hopefully it won’t affect my next bookout. live firing again on sat mega ZZZZZZZZZ.

and guess what… I AM STILL AN SCT WTF please

can’t wait for next year’s maf i know i think very far kthxbye

sucked emo balls

1. long story short, my brilliant ooc plan has run into a few huge problems but it’s currently still work in progress. been mega pissed off at the delay, the doctors, the lousy letters.

2. as a result, i still have to go for training and lessons which is a complete waste of time since i’m gonna ooc soon anyway. damn effing frustrating, i swear.

3. i miss my old section/bunkmates. a lot a lot. miss the laughter the fun the noise. miss the heart to heart talk.

4. hate my new bunkmates. bravo bastards. okay actually some of them are okay. but many are damn weird. and platoon has these 2 identical, immensely irritating idiots. can’t stand them.

5. miss the feeling of having someone special. a girlfriend, in other words.

6. the ooc ppl from the other 2 platoons are lazy bastards. most of them, anyway.

————————————————————————————————

but okay la i’ve made a few new friends too. helpful section 4 guys dom and javis and a few more. and thankfully there are quite a number of nice guys around too whose names i unfortunately don’t quite recall. oh, and actually my new bestfriend these days is my nano. surprise. guess it’s not anyone’s fault that i feel crazy alone these days.

tmr’s off in lieu. till the day i ooc and am deemed unfit for recourse, i shall be depressed. goodbye.

It’s barely been a couple of days, yet i miss my section already.

really really enjoyed the past 2 weeks to the ultimate max, so much spare time to talk cock and gay around. (not to mention our routine weekend ventures heh)

ahhhhhhhhhhh SIGH SIGH SIGH):

Block leave this coming week i intend to fully enjoy it but it won’t be very possible cos only april sispec’s gonna be on leave. so that’s only what, woankeng, jonhu???

plus the section.

ah. no more words left in me. bye.