JAYDABEST

i want to cry.

we have all changed.

solitude is familiar, very.

today is a pms day, or at least when work session started.

i don’t know why.

maybe out there there’ll be ppl who’ll even care.

lots are falling apart, but guess i’ll survive somehow.

hopefully tmr will be a better day.

i need to blog, even though i have a shitload of homework.

today i felt very proud to see cny pub’s works of art everywhere. ms yang told me it looked very nice and i was very very happy. and even better, there are lots of ppl writing stuff on the black-and-white board and throwing wishes into the box and taking photos with the faceless mickey so all is worthwhile.

mondays suck because lessons end at 4.

overslept one stop on the bus just now and i walked home. took the longer route and walked past my old house, my kindergarten, my primary school and the old provision shop i used to love last time. saw the old ah pek who already looked very old 10 years ago, now looking older but pretty much the same. as i walked past my old block gallons of old images flooded into my mind and i felt pretty damn sad. when i was a child i wished i’d grow up faster and earn my own keep to buy all the toys and cards i wanted and all, as well as not to be controlled by the adults. but school these days always tires me out; it’s really much easier being a kid. now i don’t want to grow up. sometimes i feel rather intimidated imagining adult life, responsibilities, choices, emotional baggages and the endlessness of it all.

didn’t know a 10 min walk can provoke so much thoughts huh. i didn’t either.

have work to do, but spent more than an hour writing letters. it’s really therapeutic, like olivia said. haha. and it sorts out my thoughts and emotions. well, more or less anyway. blogging too, in another sense. work too, in a different way, though not very enjoyable. duh. okay i’m rambling. this is turning more and more into plain old escapism. whatever.

was late for council morning briefing again, despite leaving the house early. but not early enough. zzz lousy bus driver come so late and drive so slow. anyway i was very late already so i sauntered and swaggered to the council room to find it desolated. haha. i burst my personal points cap, shit. gonna waste precious time cleaning the council room for the 48751897th time. or something worse. either way, i’m not ‘flaming’ (thanks jialiang) or bitching or complaining. i need to say this cause everyone apparently thinks i hate council and love swearing at it here but no la really i don’t hate council!!! zzz i have very profound thoughts one just read the archives properly and you’ll see i don’t hate council as much as you think i do.

…

okay this is quite a dumb and meaningless post.

BYEBYE.

Yesterday was one of the better work sessions despite it lasting for one entire day, morning to evening. i officially declare that cny pub comm is fantabulously wonderful and creative and hardworking and whatnot. under our terrific leadership, the school is now shockingly Ratty and Reddy. hahahahhaha i’m damn proud of us right now. even though we’re still left with quite a bit to do, at this point in time i feel pretty confident. although it is technically not right that we celebrate the other comms’ inefficiency (if there is), i’m still gonna admit that i take one look at our products and wow wow wow. yeah they’re not difficult to do, really. but we did a great job okay. hahahahahahaha self-praise is no praise i know but WHATEVER. thanks claire, thanks linghuan, thanks jared, thanks ben. and thanks wk i hope i’ll feel the same way after next week. though this kind of happiness and energy don’t usually last, sorry for being a pessimist. in any case, i’m jotting it down here because i don’t want to forget how i feel, as with all the previous posts and archives.

anyway, jiayou weiting cny will rock

one month into 2008, and i’m still writing on my papers dd/mm/07. but then again i do the same every year.

and one month into 2008, between me and benpoh over 10 j1s have mistaken us for each other and vice versa. eeeeeeeee

man one week just flies by after another. sigh.

edit: i’m doing my article review now, it’s something about feeding monkeys and i just typed ‘monkies’ in the document without realising why there’s a red line underneath it. stared at it for 5 seconds before i saw the light and laughed like shit because my spelling is becoming like benpoh’s. hahahaaha. what has education in hwachong become? p.s if you don’t know, the plural form of monkey is monkeys. mmmm.

Been wanting to post for quite a few days already. Tonight i’m gonna rest early because i’m tired.

Today was the release of o level results. Felt really lousy and useless to see the 9 pointers’ despondent faces and knowing that nothing i said could possibly make them feel much better. i really hope they would cheer up somehow. Sucks that it has to be this way – the nicest people around are those who have the worst luck.

Much as it doesn’t seem apt to make the rest of the post a very light-hearted one, i’ll recount the primes of this week.

Yesterday i got chased out of lecture by miss heng! About 10+ of us including calvin qs samuel reuben xiu bla bla hahahahaha. it was quite comical i felt. cause we haven’t handed in our dec holiday assignment. at first calvin was saying we should get ready our letters in our pockets so we could write if we get chased out but miss heng nicely slotted going through the essay at the end of the period so we could just grab our bags and leave. so we had early lunch, hahahahaha. anyway, she said today she’ll still mark our essays if we do it la. so i’ll try doing this weekend, seriously haha. i think she’s very nice la, she didn’t show any anger at all when she invited us to leave. i think she gave up already lol.

Slept at 2 plus on tues cause i was rushing GP essay out. started quite early (on monday night in fact) but couldn’t concentrate enough to write much so i slogged till then. in the end i only got a 29. but not bad already la, i was groggy by 1 and couldn’t compose a single coherent line. and on sunday i rushed out article review and UN sbq until 1 plus. anyway i feel mildly accomplished.

For CNY and MOCH there are stuff here and there to do. But manageable la. work session on tues and formals yesterday without the sick woankeng was weird. i am really too used to depending on him 100% for CNY. anyway, claire’s the best person to have in a subcomm hahaha she works thrice as hard and doesn’t complain at all (Y)

Jay Chou concert was damn damn cool. He sang, danced, played like 4 different instruments, kungfu-ed, performed magic and more i think. and also advertised his new movie. the biggest pity was sitting on the last row of the balcony. yes, the very last row, which was as far from him as we could get. the seats were quite comfy though, if it’s any comfort. no pun intended. speaking of puns, we took a comfort cab there too *cues lame laughter  ha-ha. next time i go, i’m making sure i get frontest seats possible. yes yes.

Lectures = sleeping and writing letters.

mental block.

good night all, be happy people. refer to sine curve down there.

It’s been quite a shitty week. Easier in points than in paragraphs i suppose.

1) Dropping my lit text (Herland if you’re interested) into the toilet bowl. ’nuff said. anyway i dumped it immediately.

2) Having a fever since last saturday which lasted till sunday so i went to school on monday with just a sore throat left. Since then i’ve developed a persistent cough, lots of dark and bright green phlegm and a freaking painful throat, not to mention an irritating constant lack of appetite.

3) Wasting time seeing a doctor just now. Listening to family nagging at me to see a doctor every single night for the past week. Arguing back. THE MEDS AND TAKING THEM.

4) Wasting more than an hour helping with punishment i’ve no need to be involved in. talking to junshyang was good though. and riding the rubbish cart we call AE86 haha.

5) HOMEWORK. i don’t want to exaggerate, so just see for yourself:
- Issues and Ideas in installments
- GP Essay
- GP article review
- SEA History SBQ
- Intl’ History SBQ
- 3 months overdue history term essay
- Econs essay presentation
- Start and finish reading Herland
- Overdue holiday Lit essay

And i haven’t even included all the self-study that i should be doing to catch up on ALL my subjects. Almost two weeks of lessons leh don’t play play. I’m very behind now in Econs, Maths, History and a bit of Lit. = everything. And i haven’t included the bits of MOCH (actually weiguo’s tanking everything again. shit.) and CNY Pub (which woankeng is tanking a lot of too) So officially speaking i’m a loser who sleeps damn freaking early every night nowadays just to satisfy my parents and make myself feel like i’m doing something for my body. But not really i regret spamming cold drinks throughout this week. ahhh idiot.

On the other hand,

1) auggie wong’s been an IMBA lit teacher and i mean it. 3 synonyms for every 10 words that comes out of his mouth but he drills the concepts in superbly and is never boring in spite of his monotonous drone at times. indescribable man. i bet every student in our lit class agrees.

2) Angel and mortal has been nice so far. Reminds me of last year. haha tracee and olivia, you’ve got grand-A&Ms just as cool

3) Today’s morning announcement for CNY was alright. not very good la, but at least it wasn’t a complete flop like a certain other TD announcement. I was bloody trembling in my balls last night man. All the possible scenarios coming back to me. So today when there was some reaction from the college i was freaking happy. Junshyang made my day when he rushed to me immediately after and told me it was good. i felt good after i stopped feeling extremely embarrassed and weirded out.

4) Talking to junshyang around evening was very good. even though he stopped the conversation every two seconds to wave and say hi-byes to people, the scenery and atmosphere and all were good at the steps. mr ngoh saw us and thought we had problems and asked if we needed counseling hahahahahaah. or maybe he thought we gay. shit la some people told me i sounded damn gay on the bridge today morning. ok digress. point is, talking to junshyang after quite a long time, it’s good (Y)

oh i just rmbed. back to the bitching on top.

6) NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL AT BLOODY 7 AM TMR FOR COMMITTEE PUNISHMENT WTF. Work session lasting till late afternoon and evening. everything’s inevitable, but it couldn’t have come at a worse possible time.

7) This is ambiguous. Jay Chou concert tmr night!!! Like the previous, it can’t have come at a worse time, because i’m laden with so much work and i need all the rest i can get if i’m not working. And furthermore, my seats are cheap like shit cause i couldn’t get better ones (too late ) So it’s very sad.

But still. I am going to watch Jay Chou live tmr!!! That is a good thing, even if it’s from 89457198571 miles away.

Nothing more that’s interesting. Will update if i can GOODBYE and GOODNIGHT ppl!

Is officially over. mmmm.

basically to me, the last few days of o1 weren’t as pumped up and oomph as the first week. i guess fatigue and weariness got to everyone, especially the 34th. taking a12 for icebreakers, time attack and stuff wasn’t the best thing in the world, but it was bearable all the same. even though the guys outnumber the girls fourfold, they were more or less enthusiastic so it was still rather interesting. tagging along with shimin and bert and a14 wasn’t too bad as well.

but i think i like my junior a13-ers, yay even though i still don’t know half of them, and can’t recognise a quarter, there are a few who are really friendly. like the cat high guy i can only recall his initials being KK. and the best thing is, they won the best performance for campfire night! like 07a13 last year. oh man i can still remember the feeling of us winning in ares, then going on to be the best and funniest performance among the four facs, but getting second only cause mr pang or mr ang misconstruing that we were racist when we didn’t even have any racist jokes or even the slightest intention to be. we should have won. it’s not speculation, i heard it from people who heard the teachers say it with their own ears. but out of point. 08a13 seems almost every bit as enthusiastic and lively as us and our seniors. it remains to be seen whether the spirit would live on

wargames, like wargames every year, was overrated. last year i didn’t enjoy wargames at all because i felt bored. this year patrolling along the boundaries i felt it was crazy violent. watching the apollo guys slam and ram their way through the ares chain of girls and vice versa, i cringed and shouted and shouted some more. the girls were also insane. i saw two girls hugging one guy; one in front one behind, trying to reach his water bombs. i was like wa wth. also did what i’m supposed to do and sprinkled starch water over all of them. hahahaha. but that part was more interesting, i guess.

campfire was okay i guess. backstage was zzzz but i got to watch most of the faculties perform. batch dance in one letter of the alphabet: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. forgot 80% of the steps and anyhow zhammed. wanted to die from the embarrassment please. but dancing with stanley for the couple part was quite amusing, at least to me. i can imagine it. in the central plaza singing songs and doing ugly mass dances, i think i really felt the hwachong spirit that was inconceivable to me just a few months ago. man i love the j1s this year they are so extremely enthusiastic and friendly and nice. like a lot of the 34th i feel a strong surge of paternal instincts whenever i think about the juniors, especially my og and a13 and a12. hahahaha but they’re more like friends most of the time, especially after orientation.

if i just focus hard enough on the better things and people in life, it wouldn’t be that difficult to ignore the angst-inducing ones.

next up is cny, in less than 3 weeks’ time. pray i won’t die of fatigue. and i’m gonna be making a lot of teachers upset, with so much work overdue already.

SIGH SIGH. orientation, the most fun but tiring event ever ever, is over. back to reality and everyday life SIGH SIGH.

urgh sore throat irritating.

mrs chin: this is the best orientation i’ve ever seen, thus far.

everyone was so happy…

yeah that sums up my day. that’s about all i can do to stop myself from adding lots of expletives and superlatives to my whines and complaints.

i swear if anyone shouts at me to tuck in my tshirt, i’ll shout back. not that it makes it correct or anything, but whatever. i’ve given up constantly trying to justify myself and getting through to people. everything’s just so pointless nowadays. i’m focusing on the things i like to do most at the moment, and not let all the negativities everywhere get to me. i swear today all the anger and frustration and plain old fatigue burned me out through and through. the upper rungs of council at the moment makes me sick. not sure about everyone else, but i more or less do my best and all they can say is ‘tuck in your tshirt’. eat this _|_

well i started out not wanting to mention all these but sorry i cannot help it. especially at this moment where so many j1s would be thinking how impressive council is and all. insert many superlatives here. anyway, for all those i know, or will know, personally and who wants to join council, i’m making sure they know what they’re getting themselves into. luckily i’m not all that influential, or i don’t know what i might cook up.

of course, in spite of all these i still do love being an OGL as well as the chance to manage the j1s. it’s a real experience and not to mention, fun. but if you’re a petty and emotional asshole like me then reconsider.

they say you make lifelong friends in council. but of the people i’ve seen so far, few surpass my impression of them as superficial hi-bye working partners. perhaps i’ve got my priorities wrong after all. but if that’s so, then i don’t know what to say about being an anal-retentive bitch on a rule no other person in the school is abiding by, but ignoring the fact that everyone is putting their 100% into what they’re doing. perhaps the rest of the council is made up of supermen and robots, but i know for sure that i’m not.

anyway, that’s not the only shit that happened today. totally not. but i think i’ve bitched, whined and complained enough. maybe this post will sound like i’m trying to discredit council or initiate an anti-council campaign or what. but i’m not. i’m always proud to wear the council tee and leading my OG has never once failed to make me swell in pride. the above is just a particle among the mass of thoughts in my head today.

i just wish the people in power in council would be nicer people, even when they’re under pressure. and certain buggers who have nothing better to do than sashaying around school making councilors tuck in their shirts and giving snide remarks to just keep their mouths shut. the ‘motivational’ speech just dampened everyone’s spirits, thanks a lot. i don’t know about the rest, but probably my passion slash efficiency dropped by 200 percent after that.

the junior class is okay, save a couple i feel weird around.

maybe i’ll touch more on everything when i’m feeling better, or maybe when o1 is finally over. this is emotionally and physically consuming. sleep is crucial. so i’m not exactly coherent.

and again, i harbour a lot of hate and sadness. as well as a lot of irrationality. but i stand firm on what i believe in, trivial and meaningless as they seem.

sigh. i need a spark

i LOVE my OG!!!
24 is the SEXXXXXXXXXX.

i really wanna thank them so much. for making orientation such an enjoyable and memorable one for me. obviously my own orientation wasn’t much of an impression because the ogls weren’t a quarter as close to the OGs as the 34th are now. everywhere i turn to, the OGLs are as swooning at how delightful and nice their OGs are and all.

In any case, i remember barely one week ago i was looking at my OG’s zzzzz faces and reckoning that i was in for a hard time. i remember conducting icebreakers and making lichan or dunnowho do butt swaying and confessing to girls. and in the blink of an eye it’s time for the OG to break up and regroup into CT groups. 5 outings have taken place within a week, and it’s seriously wow. even though i didn’t go for any except one, they made me feel totally at home and blissful and young again that one night. thanks shangyong for your house and the food and yuwei for playing street waiting for me. even though i think there are a few left whom i’m not very familiar with, i guess it’s the overall sentiment that counts, right? thanks everyone for giving me so much attention and lovey-dovey eyes and cheering for me. it’s the only time i get to feel all big-brotherly and commanding and loved at the same instant.

i’m the CTL of A12 and i’m not looking forward to it. our junior A13 looks not bad. hahahahahahahahaha lucky qinsheng and calvin.
every of the 34th is damn shagged now. jiayou peeps.

wow. i can’t even begin to describe what it’s been like so far. awesome and fantabulously fun would be an understatement. the past 3 days have been great excitement and a real experience i guess. never would have thought that our turn at being OGLs and Game masters would come, but it did. this is definitely the best thing in council that has happened to me so far, haha. never thought that i’d ever lead a cheer properly, but i (more or less) did. i especially love the way i get to control / direct the j1s just by shouting and shouting, but without being fierce or angry of course. it’s a pretty damn satisfying feeling to have people responding to your commands and instructions and shouts. ahhh.

and of course how can i not remember MY og24? was damn touched when they told me they were actually organising an og ice cream trip after the second day’s programmes. i mean, from impression they weren’t particularly enthusiastic or initiative. so i went around telling the rest of the OGLs how imba my OG is to have organised an outing on only the second day. though it’s far from my credit, but i feel real proud to see MY og getting along so well and today they went out again for og dinner which i didn’t join again. haha 2 more days to have fun with them all. shocked myself when i actually felt pretty emotional when i saw them climaxing the college songs. note to self: remember all their names. i can recognise most of the faces now but i still can’t match the names to them, save a couple. hmmm.

briefing everyone for the games was fun, though topsy-turvy and swing it baby were far from the most interesting games. very very energy-consuming though. controlling the games was just plain tiring, especially with one briefing after another game after another briefing and so on. and my voice was hoarse like shit after a few rounds. but i felt good today, because of encouragement from ppl like yiming

overall i think the j1s this year are freaking enthusiastic despite rumours speaking otherwise. owns our batch upside down. i remember daoing mass dance and whispering the cheers myself, haha. hope A13 will have a junior class epitomising the spirit of our senior a13’s, haha.

o1 makes every night an early-sleep night.

good night!