JAYDABEST

Crapppppp too many things to do too little time!

1) mochmochmoch it’s our third and final issue for our term. and it cannot cannot cannot screw up. but the initial slash brainstorming stage didn’t go very well. at least it’s not exceptionally brilliant which i thought our previous issue was. yeah i loved the previous issue a lot! and now it’s extra pressure because i’m sure the 35th will be paying extra attention to our final production, especially the prospective mochies. but i’m freakin happy that there are around 3 now who want to take over us but anyway back to point. i foresee we’ll overrun a lot of deadlines, because we are freakin slow now. poor weiguo i feel quite guilty but rarhhhhhhhh. :S

2) homework homework! i’m really trying to do homework but today all i did was some admin stuff for moch and a para for our quack group essay.

3) maintaining this blog, and my diary, both of which are of paramount importance to me. these days i keep much more to myself. most of which are contained in my diary. hmm.

4) internal elections and cheering take up a lot of time and i am freakin suay to get unlucky-drawn to go tpjc invest what the shit. but luckily it’s bryan going with me so it’s not so bad. but argh whatever extra time i have now i think i’ll just spend it on moch. poor me but serves me right for procrastinating.

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Anyway.

http://pimpisnotback.wordpress.com/2007/04/27/ive-tried/
http://pimpisnotback.wordpress.com/2007/05/03/tough-luck/

Not trying to be a copycat to ben, but fac head elections on friday was quite an experience. one year ago, i was the nervous j1 up there, trying to be funny and prove i was capable at the same time. i guess like general elections and snr chair, in some ways i achieved one. but everyone told me i wasn’t serious enough. but anyway that’s not the point. now, one year on, i still feel weird whenever the fac heads do their stuff in front of everyone. it’s just like, a faint voice at the back of my head, berating myself for not being capable and appreciated enough to be one of them up there. then i’ll start feeling useless all over again, recalling the blow i felt upon hearing the names which came out of the speakers. but then i’m getting better i guess. in a lot of ways being a mochie is gratifying and peaceful i guess. most of the time i do feel very passionate about coming up with ideas and putting them into words in the magazine that i seriously hope most of hc read. i don’t know la. i cannot complain that i don’t get enough chances to go up there and show my face, because i took quite a few of them that came like emceeing and videos and announcements etc. and anyway nowadays i feel more… settled. less AA which is good i guess

but in any case, ares fac head elections was quite funny, though probably for the wrong reasons haha. minjian is the sex really hahaha. john peter ong was quite witty i thought. anyway congrats to him and rachel i was quite sure they would get it and yeah when i looked at last year and saw that both the senior fac heads were from a13 and the incoming dep fac head is an a13er as well i couldn’t help feeling sad again. ahhhhh. but i think bryan and jy have really been extremely incredible the past year. yeah i admit that a long time ago i’ve once thought that i’d surely have been better but now i’m pretty convinced that they’re the best pair ares could have gotten. too bad we were all born in the same year.

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went to get my eyes checked today because the past few days they hurt when viewing bright things at night like the monitor and tv screens. and the degree had seemingly increased, because they just felt damn weird. so today my mum forced me to go get it checked. and it turned out that one of my eyes gained 50 deg, the other decreased by 50 deg and one of my eyes which had 50 deg astigmatism had no more of it. crazy ah. but my specs wasn’t made to the exact degree of my eyes anyway so when my degrees changed the disparity was even larger, which was what apparently caused the discomfort. anyway they changed my contacts for me and i’m going down to change the spectacle lens tmr.

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haha i forgot what i wanted to say but i guess i’ve said a lot… enough for today already.

will try to update soon goodnight.

The past few days have really been a whirl. i notice i always say this, haha. saturday was fac outing at sentosa, today was stj at eileen’s condo function room. fac outing was much better than expected despite the relatively low turnout. and stj was also not bad, quite interesting at times. kudos to the fac comm and marilyn and co. for planning and all.

Got to spend quite a bit of time with nick also, yay. Haha i think the whole school knows about us already! whatever la.

Have been conscientiously writing in my diary every day, save yesterday night because it was quite late after fac outing and nightwalk <3 and supper and manu already. but i’m gonna write a bit later, have quite a bit to say. i realised that many situations happening to me are same for some other ppl too… so i’m not so special after all haha.

At stj today we played badminton and i think i can go kill myself already. even though the shuttles were lousy and the rackets sucked and the fans were on, i feel so stranger-like towards the game! oh man la, it’s just what, five months? ahhhhh but i kinda miss my racket and doing crazy stunts and playing well (the latter 2 don’t come together hahahahah). But waaaaaaaaaaaaalao.

haha, i cannot believe i’m actually feeling nervous about 2.4 this tues. if i cannot get full marks for napfa at least must retain last year’s 28! ugh. later cannot even hit 11 mins then i’ll just kill myself.

academics ah, DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

time passes too fast for my liking ):

but happy<333

reached home not long ago feeling hungry and tired, and rather miserable.
ate my takeaway macs and now i’m still very tired, like i’m gonna collapse soon.
legs felt like lead today after napfa yesterday which was screwed up.
can’t blame anyone, i haven’t been exercising since i stopped going for training 948719843 months ago.

anyway, just wanted to commemorate the start of my handwritten diary last night.
there are really too much i feel which cannot be posted publicly,
but must be let out somehow.

hopefully it’ll be therapeutic; a lot’s been bugging me lately.

and piles of homework still awaiting me.

eurghhhh sometimes i don’t like what i feel. but i cannot help feeling what i feel and sometimes really, i don’t know what to do.

i’m a bagful of unhealthy emotions.

hmm i am toying with the idea of keeping a handwritten diary. i cannot believe it. but it will be very useful, because i realise there are many things which shouldn’t be published. especially when it concerns close friends, haha. or certain other people. but i think it won’t materialise la, knowing myself.

so i have been paying closer attention to academics these days. in fact today i broke my personal record and spent 3 crazy hours doing maths. non-stop!!! first time in a million years i’m able to sit down for so long and stare at maths. but maybe it’s just these few topics’ easier to digest. ugh. tried to do econs but didn’t get far. i only realised very very long after that i was trying to do a tutorial with the wrong set of notes. no wonder.

anyway so you can see i’m really putting in more effort. it’s relative la, i’m really buckling down and bucking up

bad news is, i still have one entire moch to do. and we’re seriously seriously out of ideas. the deadlines are really tight, ideas have to be thought up quick and articles have to be written fast. in the midst of all these we’ll have to attend all the internal elections and cheering sessions. all part of the fun of being a councilor eh. but yeah it’s the last lap after this, no more! i think i’m the only person in the entire council who’s looking forward to stepping down. i’ll miss the council room though it’s been a great buddy to me, especially when i’m emo or lonely.

and in the midst of all the usual academia and council i get to spend time with nick, which is good (:

so that is life currently, and what’s going to be for the next few weeks.

i’ll blog more if i have more to say haha.

goodbye

Ugh yes i am sick again. it sucks! it’s the first time i fall sick twice in 2 months. anyway, it’s not kissing disease again, thankfully. this time i think it’s just an accumulation of lack of sleep, water and food. zzz i hope i can go to school tmr. i don’t like missing school for more than a day, really. haha.

eleco camp was soso. in some ways being sick spoiled the experience, especially since i didn’t get to attend informal stepping down. everyone said it was damn emo, that people were crying and all. shit man. i keep wondering and wondering to myself, what would i feel, given that all these while i have been the most anti-council councilor the council has ever known? i don’t know. i just hope that come formal stepping down aka invest i would feel more than just a tinge of sadness. haha i think i will la. maybe there are some intangible things i’ll miss after all, though it’s hard to point out what at this point in time.

i think kheexuan and junjie and the rest of eleco did a great job it was quite entertaining at times to see them scolding the elects, remembering how one year ago we were in their shoes, getting screwed by erik and co. in fact, everything was pretty nolstalgic, because what happened this year’s camp and last year’s camp basically weren’t much different. one year ago i was still this untainted pure and innocent elect begrudging the many scoldings and tekanings of the camp. now it’s just one month before our stepping down. oh man. life as a non-councilor will definitely feel weird.

hmm i guess more on council when we formally step down. now everything’s a bundle of disorganised thoughts in my fried brains. hope i can go to sch tmr sigh.

you backstabbing bitches. i freakin hate you.

have never felt so much in a day.

i’ve haven’t always been able to draw the line between work and personal issues, but i like it and i’m proud of it. call me silly and stupid but i stand by the decisions i’ve made, and make, in every sense.

so much more i want to say, but for everyone’s interests i shall not. maybe when i step down perhaps.

chin up love