JAYDABEST

Hmm so GP is over, International history’s history and Lit paper 1 is also done with.

gp wasn’t good, because ms poh almost fainted when i told her i did my essay on the topic of self-help books. shit man i prolly invented like 4 or 5 book titles and authors myself!!! hope the marker wouldn’t go google or what. compre wasn’t easy too i thought. die la after recent disasters in both essay and compre frankly speaking all i hope for is a D or so overall. for some reason my standard has dropped a lot a lot. maybe because i blog less ah haha. sucks man.

history and lit papers 1 were quite similar in the sense i felt confident during and immediately after the papers, but after like an hour or so i realised one by one the errors and all that i’ve made. so actually i just pray i don’t screw up la, shit man. and besides history and lit recently i always screw up whenever i feel confident. so… ah. shit la.

yesterday after lit i just spent the afternoon reading newpaper and talking to random people like chaiyi outside library and hp classroom, and nigel and woankeng who were having sex inside a block B classroom, before meeting nick<3. and i slept for awhile damn exhausted these few days.

today morning went to cckps with calvin around 7 am but security refused to let us in, saying visiting hours are 12.30 to 1.30. and calvin wasn’t available in the afternoon! so my grand plan to visit cckps in uniform for the last time is all foiled damn it!!! then after celebrations and giving presents to lit teachers at college the high sch teachers went for staff lunch already!!! so we couldn’t visit them as well. damn pissed man.

walao i feel damn tired already after 3 consecutive papers i really want prelims and A’s to be over soon man. but on the other hand i don’t because i want more time to study for A’s. what the hell.

haven’t been able to spend much time with people because everyone just wants to mug away, which isn’t wrong or uncalled for or out of place given the period. but everyone everything is just like so dead!!! even the j1s are mugging everywhere in school. ahhhhh.

just read the NUS post on theladymelissa.blogspot what the shit la my morale just dropped by 985718945%. what a bitch.

anyway, i’m gonna bathe and shit now. goodbye.

zzz.

haha i just spent an hour or so reading up random info on topics i like on wiki! though i don’t think it’ll help much, given that i can’t remember 90% of what i read and i think they probably won’t come out anyway. let’s see, i wiki-ed religion, advertising, blogging and happiness, using the pink sheet ms poh gave us to spot questions haha. nvm if they don’t come out la, i’ll just treat the extra info as knowledge yeah.

anyway, some bits are quite interesting. like i found this under blogging:

Therapeutic Benefits

Scientists have long known the therapeutic benefits of writing about personal experiences. Blogs provide another convenient avenue for writing about personal experiences. Research shows that it improves memory and sleep, boosts immune cell activity and reduces viral load in AIDS patients and even speeds healing after surgery.^[45]

haha i didn’t know it was proven sia. now i don’t need to feel guilty indulging in blogging or emoing in diary!

anyway, studying sucks. been going to school the past few days to study with hazel and jijo and bits of jackson. prelims officially starts tomorrow i still cannot believe time’s so damn fast.

okay shan’t waste too much time i think i’ll go back to history soon i actually feel guilty reading interesting things on wiki. i think i failed my last gp essay on parenting i lost track and started preaching how to be a good parent! (no i’m not saying mine i think they’re the absolutely best pair i can get anywhere already ) so i’m guessing i can’t start doing topics that i’m overly passionate in i’ll start being biased or ranting about my own convictions and etc. like being overly chauvinistic or critical of stuff and so on.

okay byebye!!!

(i love you! )

i wish someone, just one person will do, will read my diaries thoroughly and tell me what to do.

been abstaining from internet and computer for a week or so. internet is possible but computer not really cos i go crazy without itunes.

or maybe i just go crazy. though by now everybody might think i should be used to my periodic/frequent bouts of depression, i’m not. i hate it. i hate it, really. covered about 20 pages of diary between last night and today, speaking of which my 2nd diary is finishing already, am gonna get a 3rd one soon. went to sleep at 2.45 and fell asleep around 4. i keep crying. i don’t like to, but i keep crying. weak, because depression makes me feel like puking for the next 2 hours or so. and headaches. and i just keep feeling suicidal. pondered for very long before deciding to post here it’s dripping so much self-pity and whatnot i hope no one starts offering me helplines or what.

what’s different about this time from the past few heavy D’s this time is that i will try infinitely much harder to get down to work instead of spending my 24 hours moping about things. i freaking need the results.

life sucks.

5 months, let’s see if it lasts 55 years and more

okay i don’t know why i’m blogging right now. just felt like it. and i think i’m quite an idealist in the sense when i feel like sharing something on my personal cyberspace which is quite an irony but whatever, i’ll try to most of the time. and i really try to talk about everything i want to talk about! although whenever i reach this page i’ll automatically forget everything.

okay first and foremost i _______ in my _______ on friday night!!! damn embarrassing man. but heck la it’s only one time. hahahaha okay whatever if you guess it correctly then good for you. actually i don’t care la. i wanted to post it word for word but too shy la. heehee.

this weekend hasn’t been productive. econs is really freaking dry especially all the international trade shit. and i thought calculus was bad. and just now got another message to do another history outline by wed for quack!!! when there’s already one on thurs for teh!!! crazy man. prelim’s in a couple more weeks and i feel bloody unprepared. dieeeeeeeee.

oh ya if you find the font size too small on this page you can go view and zoom enlarge or something. i’m just typing whatever comes to my mind. shit man as usual i forgot what i wanted to say. anyway it finally hit 60 views after an eternity of the tens and twenties and thirties. zzz.

hahahaha my shiny orange havs got stolen today at nick’s house walao damn cheapskate thief please the pair already looks damn old and dirty!

i suddenly miss being an OGL. it definitely was one of the most enjoyable times this year.

olympics quite nice to watch so far i’ve caught some of gymnastics basketball soccer volleyball beach vball and more haha but damn waste time man. and this whole week i’m gonna spend my 7-8 pm slot on channel 8 draggy stupid show but like all channel 8 dramas damn addictive even though the whole time you’re cursing the stupid cliched plot and lines and everything! anyway the series gonna end already! and i suddenly feel like watching meteor garden again! hahahhaahha f4!!!!!

now i drink nutritea (the barley and waterchestnut and sugarcane thing on bus stop ad-boards) instead of nutrisoy every night. very nice hahaha! plus eating cheese slices and chocolates now. i love fast food i wanna eat some macs now!!!

okay i’ve ranted enough WALAO studying sucks man it sucks the life outta everyone GOOD BYE GOOD NIGHT. i think i sound very unlike myself tonight a bit high okay byebye!!!!

This morning i woke up at 11 and turned on the TV to watch pokemon. little did i know that they stopped showing it at that time already. Kids central was showing… teen buzz. i forgot the name of the genre it’s classified under. i think one of those mary-kate and ashley olsen slash sweet valley slash junior high type of plots. quite bimbo. but also quite cute. some of the jokes i thought were quite intelligent leh! don’t think the average kids central kid would get it. anyway following it was hannah montana i FINALLY watched it after a decade. it was pretty much like teen buzz. haha teen buzz was showing this bimbobitch friend who came to stay with a girl in the protagonist clique and was mean to all the other clique people and they all couldn’t stand her. and the girl in their clique didn’t believe how horrible her ‘bff’ was. but cliched ending there was finally a sort of showdown and she chased her away and they were happily ever after. hannah montana was about the protagonist and this guy liking each other but trying to spite and make jealous each other. but after one whole round of stupid things they finally made up and kissed and all. hahahahh but both shows were still nice to watch. made me quite happy in fact alternated between them and mtv for about 1 plus hours or so. but it was quite a relaxing weekend morning routine i guess. plus i now know where ‘bff’ and ‘jk’ and ‘lol’ and many annoying overused slangs i also use come from. even ‘punny’ isn’t original!!!

wah i realise i’m super incoherent. very not used to typing a blog post nowadays.

oh ya this morning i asked my dad to help me buy 4D hahaha. it all started last friday when calvin and i saw every single hcian who came from cckps which was impossibly coincidental! so on the bus home we realised it was our lucky day! and we should buy 4D! so we generated the digits by throwing out random fingers on both our hands and tally the number and take the last digit! so the first one we got was ten, so ZERO. the second one also added up to ten, so ZERO again! the third was eight, so EIGHT it was. the fourth time our fingers gave us ten yet again, so it was 0080! And our genius brains informed us that it would be 8 days till the next saturday when the numbers would come out! and the day before that is 080808! and there are a total of 8 cckpians in hc  (Edit shit its 9). and i think got more 8-associated stuff. hahahaha anyway after talking so much, it FREAKIN DIDN’T COME OUT HAHA. so much for instinct and luck whatever. maybe it’s our retribution for arguing with everyone about god hahahaha.

on thursday heng was in an imba bad mood. and qs didn’t prepare much for poetry so he especially, and the rest of us, got slaughtered during tutorial haha. but the worst thing was we were talking about her and the lesson damn loudly as we walked to our next class. and i was talking about pms and menopause and the like. and just as i exclaimed ’she didn’t even smile once!’ she stepped out from the toilet!!!!!!! kill me please. she briskly walked away, like damn embarrassed also. walao. but on the other hand she could have heard much worse so thank god (just an expression).

hmm i always want to blog about dreams but i find it very hard because i forget them very fast, even if i had remembered immediately after i wake up. have thought about starting a dream journal since eons ago but was and still am too lazy, haha. but i always have this… problem. sometimes at night when i just fall asleep i realise my mind and body are trapped in one way or another. i don’t know how to describe it, it’s a sort of paralysis, but sometimes my mind can wander and make it feel better somehow. when i first had it a couple of years ago i was always very afraid of it and as soon as i found myself in that state i’d struggle like mad,  mustering all my mental and physical strength to jerk myself up. and usually when i have it i’ll have it a few times consecutively. and even when i’m anticipating it, as soon as i fall asleep i’d fall into that state again, conjuring mental agony and monsters in my mind and struggling to death to get up. sometimes i’d imagine myself dying in it. but obviously never la. there was a period i thought it was ‘ghost press body’ (direct translation hahahaha) but after researching a bit they said that syndrome’s caused by stress or lack of sleep or something. hmm okay i don’t know if i’m so unique i’m the only one who has it. just that it’s so hard to describe i’ve never really told anyone. anyway nowadays it’s not that hard to bear with, and i don’t have it as many times and not so frequent and not as torturous somehow. hopefully by talking about it i claim subjectivity and banish it away, hah.

speaking of beloved, happy happy ms liew is lecturing on it this coming week. so long never hear her funny voice and laugh HAHA and plus i think i actually can stand it, or even like it slightly. on my second read many things seem much clearer even though i’m only like halfway through. yay yay yay.

my liking for quack dropped again, ugh. he tries too hard to justify himself sometimes. actually sometimes i also don’t know why i don’t like him.

hmm i don’t know if i should heed mr teh’s advice and start mugging history or lit instead of spending all my waking hours on maths alone. skali come out everything gg. argh. shit man. everything is damn stressful la.

Anyway, 5 months :D:D:D LOVELOVE

okay i’ll blog more next time when i have the mood okay byebye back to maths!!!

was freakin tired, but somehow i suddenly don’t feel like sleeping after lying around for nearly 2 hours. i’m really exhausted emotionally, but hopefully after a good sleep tonight i’ll be good as new tmr. today was a lousy day in many ways.

realised i haven’t blogged in quite awhile, and my blog hits reached a new low the past 2 days, not even hitting 20 per day it’s crazy. where has all the 70 plus hits per day on average a day times gone man. so just to update, exam preparation coming along fine i guess, maybe not full gear yet but quite consistent i guess. save the bad mood days and all i can more or less successfully do quite some work. on bad mood days like tonight i just completely abandon every single thing.

been wanting to bitch blog about religion and god a lot but think i’ll put it on hold i have so freakin much to say i think i’ll wait till after A’s or sth.

sigh i don’t know i forgot what i wanted to talk about already maybe blogging isn’t such a good solution to feeling like shit after all. sorrrrrrrrrrry my blog the past few months so boring haha can’t help it somehow i’m not as motivated anymore.

all the uni application stuff going around are stressing me up it sucks to feel zibei when i look around and see prospective highflyers everyfreakinwhere.

kk think i’ll go sleep now this is leading nowhere. continue looking forward to better posts hah they’ll probably arrive someday.

to end off on an impossibly cliched note, hopefully the new template would be more invigorating and refreshing and bring about healing (sorry i auggie). anyway i didn’t change it for that reason lah, just wanted the template to show the time of post, have been wanting that for quite some time now. just couldn’t bear to give jaychou up. speaking of which jaychou new album should be coming out soon, hopefully within a month’s time or so. just that thought alone can lift my spirits up to a degree, depending on other factors. okok goodnight.