just your average handsome boy next door

Just floating along

Okay, first up, I’m not as depressed as I was a few days ago. But just a short update because I feel like I have to.

1) Flight of the Friends

Or to be precise, the Gold Friends. It started with Benpoh to France in August, then Junjie, Kheexuan, Shiwei and Jijo to the UK the past 2 weeks. Calvin’s one not counted since he’s in his second year already. Anyway, felt pretty sad at every one of the sendoffs… in a way because I know invariably we’re ending a chapter of our lives and drifting apart. However, I really hope Calvin’s case provides a shred of optimism in that we’ve managed to talk like he never left, every time we met up when he came back. It’s just that we have so much to catch up on that we lose track of what’s going on in the lives of one another. Then again, you don’t need to fly overseas to drift apart… it’s been damn hard to make time for friends outside of SMU because of how busy everybody is. sigh i’ve talked about this so many times but i still feel depressed when i think about how one is always forced to move on from the people once close to him. I miss all my Gold Friends, and i foresee i’ll miss them even more in the months to come.

2) I am a Smugger

I cannot believe it myself, but I spent the past 4 days in their entirety STUDYING at home. (less Friday night dinner with the pinkies and subsequently sending Shiwei and Jijo off) Thurs whole day Biz Law, Fri and Sat whole days Stats, today Biz Law. But today I was really tired out mentally and couldn’t absorb much… sigh. Tomorrow’s Biz Law midterms, Wed’s Stats midterms, Sat’s TWC midterms and I haven’t started on that. I feel damn stressed and I don’t just want to pass, I want GOOD GRADES. So far I’ve been fucking up everything I’ve done so the least I can try for now are plain old grades ugh. But I still don’t feel confident at all for both mods… especially stats. that one can’t aim high at all. sigh.

3) Pinkie Pies<3

Haven’t laughed so much in what feels like forever. Short dinner with them on Friday night was so enjoyable i was an hour late for Shiwei’s sendoff (sorry oops) Haven’t met most of them in really really long too, so it was about time we met up… I feel like joining them when a few of them study together but I know I will just keep talking and nothing will get done so for our own sake I choose to study at home most of the time. Anyway, point is, I love them very much! As I told them, they have the potential to be Gold Friends (: The difference between now and say, a month ago is that I feel comfortable talking to most of them about serious stuff already, and not just always fooling around. So despite not meeting up that much, we’re still growing stronger and tighter as friends. And apart from Jackson (but not fair because he got headstart at being my friend since sec 3), they’re the people I’m most dependent on in SMU, and I hope most, if not all of them feel the same way. I really hope we stay together for the rest of our time in SMU, and meet up every now and then after we graduate. (i know i think damn far, but time fries)

4)

I still get damn sad every time I get reminded of getting kicked out of vph. i need more self-worth arghhhhhhosdioosidjf;lcoSdaWoifn AND I NEED SOMETHING / SOMEONE TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MY LIFE WILL THAT SOMETHING / SOMEONE APPEAR SOON?!?

GOODNIGHT ALL ):