just your average handsome boy next door

i feel like quitting BE

because i don’t think they think i’m any good at all, because i’m not even considered ‘ready’ to host yet, still being placed along with the majority in some training programme instead of the other one. without trying to sound like an arrogant douche i do think that i’m good enough but it sucks to realise that other people don’t think so. worse still, in all the trainings so far i haven’t heard much criticism from the trainers… i don’t think i deserve this at all. perhaps they only consider you ‘ready’ when you’re a semi-finalist or finalist of VPH, which i don’t think i should have gotten kicked out of anyway but rarhhhhh at least tell me what’s wrong why i’m not considered good enough man!!! once again, i have to say that it’s really fucked up to know that you’re not really that good at the something you think you’re good at. and i guess i must give in to the fact that in such an endeavour, you’re not good enough if there are people who don’t think you’re good enough.

also, without trying to offend anybody or sound like mr. sour grapes, i often get the feeling BE people are rather fake and over-friendly. perhaps that’s what they’re looking for, that’s what makes you ‘good’ enough to be an emcee eh. okay enough. maybe i’ll retract the statement when i’m a little less angsty and pent up. there are quite a few nice ones of course, but nahhhhhh so far i don’t feel ‘at home’ at all. i’m beginning to wish i hadn’t signed up at all.

thankfully for the moment i have handball to pay attention to. so far i’ve gone for like 6 or 7 sessions already over the past few months. it was mostly just playing around and basic drills till last week when the coach came and made us do much more… more tiring drills, more pushing and more punishment for talking when he talks or when we don’t do the drills well enough. it’s like army all over again; even water breaks are short and limited. but i’m still going because it’s really fun, and i don’t feel like i suck too badly yet. the culture is a little weird too though haha but well so far the freshies are all very nice and friendly.

the projects are coming in hard and fast i am drowning~~~