just your average handsome boy next door

End of Sem 1

Hi everyone. I haven’t blogged in about 1.5 months (the last post isn’t counted I know… that’s my secret admirer’s brilliant work) so I figured I better update before I lose all my loyal readers :’) it’s holidays now, and exams concluded last Wed. Since then it’s just been partying and chilling at home. Actually I really wanted to post long long ago, like before finals, but I gave up at the first paragraph because my heart wasn’t in it and I felt guilty for not spending the time studying. But anyway, here goes.

1) Academics

I think from all the results released thus far I’m doing pretty well… hopefully at least an A- for the fluff mods, namely LTB, TWC and CT. Biz Law should be fine too, hopefully a B+ at least??? Stats exam was a huge joke. Ran out of time badly and didn’t touch like 8 marks… out of 40. Spent too long on the MCQs which were much harder and tikam-ed my way through half of them… Was really, really upset after the paper (it was the freaking first paper somemore). Worse still, not a lot of people concurred that it was hard. So with the bell curve it’d be even more disastrous!!! I’ll be glad if I can even get a B- overall. But it was really so bad I wouldn’t be surprised if I have to retake it next sem.

Before the finals it was an even more hectic period of rushing for projects. I was one of the more unlucky ones in the sense that all my project deadlines were pretty close to one another, like 5 within 2 weeks or so. It was seriously a mad, mad rush. But I’m really satisfied with most of them because I got to star in lots of silly exhibitionist performances! Thanks to the nature of fluff mods. For TWC we filmed a short video of me dying 8 times, cut to 5 in the end cuz of time constraints. For LTB I got to play a fierce doctor screaming at his subordinates. For CT I got to act out a scene in the toilet. And it was all like one-man shows!!!!!! So proud of myself :’)))) And I really enjoyed it a lot a lot, especially when I see and hear laughter from the audience. Wish there could be more such opportunities but I don’t think subsequent mods would permit so sigh ):

And I feel really lucky for having mostly awesome groupmates for all my projects. There were problems here and there, some of rather epic proportions, but in the end we got through just fine. So A BIG THANK YOU to Keshia, Gabriel, Guangjie, Kenley, Cordelia, Shihao and Yura for LTB; Jackson, Sherilyn, Liwei, Shaphan and Liting for Biz Law; Jackson, Morgan, Kenji and Reuben for TWC; Cherie, Veron, Cass, Chinteck and Karyee for CT. Haha even though they won’t read this, I’ll feel better acknowledging them for all the hard work and tears, sweat, blood and shit shed together :’)

2) BE trainings (or the lack thereof)

So basically Haoren is my trainer and he’s damn nice and a really good host too, I think he’s one of the best speakers around. But anyway he told me he remembered me from VPH!!! And he told me the reason I got kicked out was cos of objectionable content. So he explained patiently to me that in a public setting I can’t be overly explicit with the sex jokes, because the audience and event organisers, both of whom are more important than my own massive ego and innate need to express myself, might not like it. I guess I accept that reasoning… but no one told me I had to rein myself in at VPH!!! Sigh, it’s okay, it’s over.

But that one and only training with him thus far was a disaster… it was only an audience of 3 people and I kept blanking out as I spoke. In the end it came out all choppy and unnatural and extremely displeasing to the ears. It was just so bad. So now I guess I’ve no one to blame but myself if no one thinks I speak well, haha. Sometimes I cannot believe how after so many times on stage I still get really paralysis-inducing stage frights. Meh. Anyway I hope that night was a one-off, because I was in a really lousy mood that day and I had a billion things to complete. But I don’t wanna make excuses for myself la, gotta be professional about it.

I feel quite empty and ambivalent about hosting and BE nowadays… I think I lost the enthusiasm already. I feel like just immersing myself in the books and study and do nothing else. But I know I’ll regret it so once they let me take the stage I must psycho myself to volunteer for more events. Whether I will be good at it or not is another issue altogether. Mmm. But it’s quite sad to see like everyone ignoring the emcees at events. Even the very best ones, Dafril and Jannah struggle to get some hype in the crowd.

3) Handball

It’s a really really tough game to pick up. The more I play the more I feel I suck. At the end of every single training I feel like never going back… but I still find myself back there again next training. I don’t really know why either. I suspect it’s because I have ZERO other commitments so it’s my only shot at doing something productive. Oh well. Guess I can only keep trying.

4) You are the Apple of my Eye

Finally caught it. Cried rivers, fountains and waterfalls. Seriously sad as hell. Have been watching / listening to the theme song on repeat for 5 days already. Still feels extremely depressing. Le sigh.

5) Old is Gold

Over the past few days I met Yuxuan and Qinsheng, Junshyang and Hazel respectively… I know I said it like 4857390569024556 times already but seriously, nobody can beat these old, Gold Friends. I think no one in SMU can even come half as close in knowing me (and vice versa) as these guys… Sigh I really miss them all I wish I can meet them more often, much more often, including the overseas ones. Doesn’t matter if we run out of things to talk about, though we seldom do. Maybe there won’t be additions to the Gold list after all, contrary to my earlier plans… More and more I don’t find myself close to the Pinkies… with the girls it’s still not so bad, but it’s different with the guys. Sigh x2.

6) Jay Chou

Got the new album already. I don’t really like it. But for old times’ sake I’ll still support (:

7) X

Have felt like shit for more than a week because of this… it’s the same old stuff over again. Oh well, what can I say. Mental pat on the back for myself, and try to get over it yet again. Must stop the self-pity shit from surfacing too much here.

8) Conclusion

It’s nearly Xmas and New Year again… will come up with an EOY post as usual, and reread the old resolutions and stuff. Looking forward to some proper reflection on the year. Sigh my spirits are still in the gutters but CHEER UP CHUN things will pick up somehow. I’ll try to update really soon (I think I missed out on a lot of stuff that I wanted to write about which I jotted down in my notebook, but because my notebook’s at Terena’s house and she’s overseas so I can only agar agar)

Bye. Friends, please date me out ):