JAYDABEST

yay yesterday was pretty much a success even though i got only an hour of sleep and felt more tired than i’d ever been during the clearing up. i was practically dying, dragging myself and benches and tables and decorations everywhere. but then i saw people like weiting and claire, running about on zero sleep so i felt ashamed and forced myself on.

speaking of weiting, good job! in my very humble opinion you’re the best comm chair thus far, and that’s not just in relative terms. even though you’re very demanding sometimes but i think it brought about a great deal of results in the end la so it’s good. and i’m glad you trust the me and wk

wk: the most reliable working partner ever. tanked a lot of things the first few weeks and this is one of the only few times i’ve ever managed to complete a more or less longterm project without straining relations with partners in the course. guess i’m not very easy to work with, hahaha. but thanks, i remember the first time we sat in council room brainstorming for creative ideas for publicity, the many laughs at our proposals of ridiculous stunts and gimmicks and bitching and bullshitting amidst our work. three cheers for maximum productivity, hahahaha.

pubcomm: claire, jared, ben and linghuan, you people make up a weird mix cause it wasn’t for us to choose our comm, but in the end i’m glad it worked out. claire and jared especially, you 2 are the powerhouse workers and tanked a lot a lot of saigang and gave a lot of constructive feedback. pub definitely owes you. linghuan you’re the life of the group haha. the atmosphere will be totally different with you around so THANKS barbiedoll! and ben, even though you’re the bloody slacker of the group thanks for doing a lot a lot of things in the end and those short bursts of power-working and productivity haha. don’t whole day emo la

it was really such a relief when the whole thing ended without any major screwup. but i guess the best feeling was when weiting asked whether publicity for cny was good this year, and the answer was a resounding yes from the 34th. it was really plain ecstasy that everyone acknowledged all that Pubcomm has done the past 3 weeks, which i think was really a lot no matter what anyone says. our job scope ranged from actual publicity, to decor, to citygate, to centrepiece and so on. i can’t believe publicity had few-hour-long informals even until the day before cny, and that everyone worked more or less efficiently. or maybe it was just claire’s aura in any case, everyone in pub really worked very hard and i’m so proud that our ideas all fell into place.

i’ve also learned something new, and that’s trusting my own instincts and sentiments. after we’ve spent like at least 4 hours on the jerry scaffold, mr rem came to tell us that it didn’t fit into the general decorations, and that it wasn’t as safe as we thought bla bla. widjaja said so too and that basically, it sucked. mr rem said that the teachers strongly thought that it should be taken down, but he’d leave the choice to us. also it wasn’t pub’s show now, it was decor’s turn to shine. after like 979851789 years of work on it obviously wk and i were left devastated. but he left us saying that it was our decision. wk and i both thought that it fitted well, but his words really made us doubt our judgment. luckily for us, jared kept saying that we should just trust ourselves and go ahead with it if we wanted. cause he said that during maf, mr rem told him that lightings weren’t the main focus of the decoration, it wasn’t the centrepiece, so he shouldn’t try too hard. but looking at how the entire thing turned out in the end, it was really fortunate that he went ahead with it. so we really gritted our teeth and redoubled our efforts securing jerry the scaffold. and the next day we saw many many people taking pictures with it

the jerry scaffold also made me freaking proud that i’m a maf citygater, because it took a lot of scaffold expertise to set up jerry. i think no one has tried constructing on the breadth of a scaffold before, so it was a slight challenge. for efficiency we daoed safety and went without helmets or harnesses and stepped on weird points like placing both feet parallel to the orange bar and both hands carrying stuff and holding myself in place by looping my elbow around a bar. it made me recall the last time we scaffolded during maf preparations, where i hung more than half my body outside the scaffold on the top level (with one feet on the crossbar and both hands holding the drill, cable ties, paintbrushes or tape) to touch up the boards, or set up the waterfall thingy. makes me feel like superman recounting it but wow, citygate lets one grasp climbing skillzzz in a hurry but credit to the cny citygaters as well, they accomplished what we did with 3 times of climbing (whereas we had like 10++) ??? which is WOW although they took like 6 times longer than us to get everything set up hahahahahahahaha.

celebrations itself was a blast. the street market especially rocked. reminds me of selling teahouse food last year during maf. i think i am a good seller hehehe. and the only things i bought were from the junior class, from my angel also saw 07mortal and took a picture hahahaha we do this every year, since last year. the programme was okay, didn’t expect much anyway and saw the usual familiar faces performing in chinese dance and choir and wushu etc. kheexuan and jiali were damn good with the pre-programme emceeing i thought. shiwei just looked freakin comical in his green packet suit.

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this post is damn long because 1) i have damn a lot to say. 2) i am freaking bored, and have been for the entire afternoon. i’m at my grandma’s house now and save this computer and the few toddlers here, there is absolutely nothing to entertain me. i’ve slept an hour until my 1++ year old cousin prodded my leg and woke me up. and i couldn’t get back to sleep again. i’ve even forced myself to start on post mortem. should have anticipated this and brought herland to read or something. this always happens every year zzz. actually no, last year and the year before i was sick on cny, especially last year when the cny period and after that was the sickest i felt in the entire year. i remember it was right after dramafeste and Vday, hmm. haha i just checked the archives myself to make sure i’m not mistaken. such an honest boy, me.

anyway, speaking of herland, i’m finishing it soon at chapter 10 already it’s getting more and more boring although there’s more and more to think about. i guess it’s an overkill of content. but it’s still an easier read than beloved. which is thick and boring. or house of usher the book which i have read a really really small fraction of because it’s language takes quite long to dismantle and it isn’t as action-filled as i’d imagined. the poetry that we’re covering in auggie’s class is not bad though. full of meaning hahahahahahahahah.

okay enough escapism maybe i’ll go type out my next angel-mortal letters now.

SIGH BORRRRRRRRRRRRING. and happy new year people

was thinking earlier about how my mood swings resemble a roller coaster that doesn’t stop.

like

familiar, no?

then it suddenly came to mind.

In sec 4, mr ng told us this during one particular geog lesson.

Life often resemble a sine curve.

often when we look at it, we’ll blame life for screwing us with so many troubles and tribulations. and we emo and emo and emo.

but then if we change the way we look at things happening to us…

well. we become happier.

he said that if we keep having the highs in life, we won’t appreciate them.

we must often take it upon ourselves to make our lows soar back to the top.

that’s about it.

ps. pictures copyright from the march’06 archives of toilethumour

upon reflection, i realised i’ve no reason to be unnerved by you.
if you want war then so be it although authority overrides everything.
you’re not the pinnacle of my existence, not even close.
why trade hostilities if a simple informal note can settle things?
unlike you i value relationships with (almost) every single being.
it ruined my mood for the rest of the night.
sucks forcing a cheeriness after that.
sucks too that i’ve to be especially careful with this
thanks mr. lee for letting me know of your knowledge of this place, haha.

on a separate note, i just trimmed my hair and i need to cut it again now, because i represent the council and holidays don’t mean a single thing at all! (Y)

probably i’m in the wrong and i’m a bitch for complaining, but i still have to say it- thank you council.
i hate authority.

i really wanted this post to be a happy one, but i guess this is me for now. i don’t freaking know why i get all frustrated and pent-up over small things. they just pile up one by one and bit by bit and i start imploding all over. i guess doing backstage for tsukuba exchange doesn’t sound particularly challenging or what, but i hate it. i’ve been lucky to elude it for the past few events, and yet tmr’s one has given me no choice. Of the near 50-50 chance of getting to be an usher etc i get to shift tables and chairs around in the dark. how painfully glorious. losing my council badge one day after relenting to the fact that i’ve lost my entire year of econs work has done it too. i’ve just snapped at my mum and my grandma for their help in trying to find the stuff for me. it’s always like that; the more they try to help the more frustrated i feel. and its always immense guilt that follows. the posters falling off the bloody wall anger me, too. can’t they just stick tight and stay there. and cpu, internet, msn, firefox. you all suck for being the laggiest shit in the whole world. history assignments, for being there and untouched, yet again. the heartwrenching memory of failing fac head elections, snr head and standing post. failing at being a good flowers ic, a good citygater, a good emcee. the chore of responding to many many friends at once. money for lit texts yet to be collected, and i’ve to make my parents tank everything again for the moment. they still haven’t gotten campaign money back yet. worthless training with mostly girls and a mean coach. memories of feeling left out at 311 and boombaboom. being unable to talk satisfactorily with friends, recently especially. and being unable to show real appreciation for those who care. for typing all these when i’ve things to do, and sleep to catch up on. and for needing to wake up at 5.30 tmr, specially for backstage crew.

sorry for being petty and eq-less and hypersensitive, least of all incoherent. hopefully the truer friends will understand.

yesterday was class outing. and after dinner we sat at vivo city. calvin, yiyuan, marilyn, kelly, xuerong, lynn, liping and me, as well as jesslyn for a short while. started with truth or truth, but was boring so calvin suggested hotseat which entailed everyone of us naming everyone else’s one strength and one weakness. it was downright awkward at first, duh. but i guess it slowly progressed into a very enriching and purposeful activity. being forced to listen and face up to your own character as well as ponder about others’… there’s something special and meaningful about it.

marilyn and co. said that my weakness is that they don’t understand me. initially i was perplexed. have i really been so hard to understand the past year. but i guess it’s true that i’ve been opening up to less and less people, confiding in the same old faces and all. i keep having the feeling that it’s not worth it to talk to so many people when they are not so close to me. i’m not so prone to making new friends. i’ve definitely lost lots of the openness and eq that i used to have before. to the many people whom i don’t make an effort to speak to, i’m just a roadside clown. which i don’t mind it being a first step to knowing me. but many people just end up stopping there.

anyway, apollo fac outing just now was a personal failure. didn’t like the councilors enough to stay for long cause the only one i wanted to talk to was somewhere else. but everything turned against me since everyone seemed to belong to something somewhere. not enough stoves so we had to share tables with the teachers. people getting annoyingly happy. talking about stuff of 100% different frequency. programme not being much of a stunner though i guess no one was expecting much anyway. it’s impossible to be really good, that i concede. spent 15 mins alone at the tennis courts it’s really windy and cool and nice. after which left with calvin who is unquestionably the most thoughtful friend in recent times. thanks for understanding every single thing almost no one else does.

my very frank classmates also said last night that they had the feeling i hated them haha. which took me by surprise because i really totally don’t. i admit, i do hate a lot of people in this world, and the list grows every day. but none of those who do think i’m hating them, definitely.

anyway, there’s a lot more i want to say, but i’ll say more soon. i’m going to sleep. goodnight for now.

haha wanted to update yesterday but was too tired again. sabbaticals on thursday and friday was fun. capoeira! at first it was like damn boring and most of all, physically draining. but towards the end of the course it was quite funny and inspiring? yeah the assistant instructor, without the main guy around, suddenly sprouted a major sense of humour and in spite of all that he still managed to convey what he wanted us to learn. generic attitudes like perseverance to the little messages of thank-yous and praises. it was rather awesome i must admit, despite myself telling everyone after the first day that i might just pon the second. plus i felt sick on friday morning. and yeah like mr. qs, the songs and moves are pretty much stuck inside my head, at least for now haha. really lucky that it’s my last sabbatical in six years of hwachong.

i think i’m a really hateful person. the more i ponder about it, the more i realise that i actually dislike a lot of people. sometimes a small thing they do will just ruin my otherwise untainted impression of them. though for some of these people i guess MAYBE i’m capable of un-disliking them once i step down from council. big big maybe. but by now maybe it’s no secret that i don’t really adore councilors a lot. sometimes i wonder, is it council or is it the councilors? it’s also no secret that i hate tucking in fac/o1 shirts. actually i don’t give a shit if i get demerit points for that. i don’t breach my own personal preferences. yeah the world revolves around me screw you if you don’t like it. though i usually like avoiding trouble, especially unnecessary ones, which is the reason i have 0 points so far wow. but whatever la. if i feel like it i’ll be a good boy. but theres a thin line between compliance and obedience. and people have no EQ, no sensitivity and no respect for others.

but i enjoyed learning the couple part for batch dance today. i think the dance ics rock. i like dancing with wanjing haha. OH emcee script is quite crappy. and i really can’t think of anything really laughter-inducing shitzo. why oh why. though i think pairing with kheexuan will be more LOL but i think it’ll turn out okay la. as they said, the spotlight isn’t supposed to be on us anyway. or need not be. haaaaahaa. dinner was fine but i just talked to a few people. mostly yappy whom i haven’t talked to for quite some time; he makes me cry laughing.

benpoh said FOS is way too competitive, because of political motives and everything. true, but i really think fac spirit does the school well. it’s not as if if we encourage school spirit instead of fac spirit then everyone will swarm towards loving HC. that’s quite rubbish. and fac rivalry will never segregate the students. that’s also bullshit. aiyah whatever la. whenever such stuff thats out of my control pisses me off i just tell myself that it’s none of my business yada yada.

wa shit i hope our vball teams win. at least a few of us have been training for awhile so we shouldn’t do too badly. if the 7c girls are not super lousy or the guys don’t lose our form (or temper, for me) we should manage since team b is supposedly the lousier division. oh well, not as if i haven’t been trying to conduct practice sessions. now the issue is just the formation and player management on the day. ah. headache ah. but sometimes i’m not a team player cos i have always feel a need to prove myself to everyone and stuff that i’m not a aijofdaiodjfiosdf. but it’s not helping at all so far i’ve only had one properly timed spike. ah):

okay i think this is a very reflective but raw post. but don’t care la tmr is gonna be a happy day buying shoes and stuff cya!

Hahaha i’m not gonna paste it here, but there’re parts about unassuming and young gentleman and all, and it’s seriously quite nauseating.

Anyway, stayed home today reading Animorphs. i have almost all the 60 or so books(: okay, i know its for 9 year olds and everything, but i can’t help loving the series so damn much. played cs for a bit. what i love about staying home is probably the fact that its so relaxing; as in i dont have to worry about being late (although i usually still end up being late), but still, staying at home accompanying my ahma the whole day plus listening jaychou the entire day. yeah i really don’t mind. maybe going out is more entertaining exciting and fun, but there’re days where you just feel like lying on your bed, reading books, staring into air, or generally wasting your time away. i used to do that sometimes, before i do my work, so i told myself when i’m free sometime just grab a book turn up the speakers get onto the bed and relax.

every now and then, it’s really quite nice. although you feel that at the end of the day you’ve done nothing at all, but at night you might have more energy to do sth like blogging or play games or say, write the long overdue testimonial. so what im saying is that as long as you get the right kind of balance, it doesnt really matter at all.

plus the fact that if you dont go out, you dont spend money(: thats a relief to know. added to the other fact that so far i havent gotten my job yet.

ahhhhh, how how how.