in retrospect the past few weeks were okay except for the fact that i’ve been in camp for 3 straight Saturdays (mornings, though) in a row. guardroom life is very relaxing but i hate sacrificing Friday nights ): let’s see what goes on from here. i just hope no recourse for me, pretty pleaseeeee? )))):

anyway 2 (or 3???) weeks ago went out with the bmt section mates. even though only like half turned up it was the better half haahahahaha okay shitz but anyway it was the better half. muz!!!!!!!!!!!! whom i really haven’t seen in a decade and it was really damn interesting to ‘reconnect’ (thanks facebook) with my happy malay buddy again. <3<3<3 and the usual other guys, lester, karjun, kaiming, jiajun, tim again. but all lovely company i swear. had a meal and pooled for awhile in town. but i spent most of the time talking to muz.

also met up with some of the bslc guys for dinner and clubzx although it was just a pretty small group. just justin nicky leslie jiajun and honchyte. but it was quite fun. hadn’t seen justin in damn long. though subsequently i had dinner with him and xinfu and zhiwei (and random pti passersby) at the mess and had a long chat.

one of the Sundays also saw a sentosa outing with the class clique. amazingly yuxuan could make it. although he came damn late and calvin had to leave early. but it was fun i haven’t been to the beach in damn long. we even took nude photos hahahahaha.

on halloween i got pangsehed by hazel but in the end still went to phuture with kevin and nickfoo and hung out with jonhu and gang. haha but damn out in cv everyone was dressed up.

apart from these relatively random and larger-scale outings there’s still the routine meet-ups with hazel and jijo and sometimes junjie or benpoh. caught quite a few of movies already, all with hazel and co. like merantau warrior (Y) and paranormal activity (very scary meh) and before that, hurt locker (eurgh) and maybe more i can’t rmb. and of course, weekday dinners with qinsheng and benpoh my stayout buddies.

last night ben and i had dinner with neh!!!! at makan sutra followed by a long walk to god knew where. but after like hours we ended up at lau pa sat and had drinks and satay. hahahaha it was great to catch up with neh after years of her mia-ness. and it was great to bask in the not-so-urban streets and alleys of the district. instead of say, air-conditioned marina square or raffles city. haha ok i’m not being sarcastic but fortunately last night was quite cooling and so it was pretty chillaxing.

okay i’m just really looking forward to more outings

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hmm i really, really think that army friendships can’t ever compare to those founded in school. my oldest friends are really the bestest by far. watching each other grow, mature, change, drastically or not, for better or for worse… the formative stages of our admittedly short lives thus far. looking back, i’ve always been surrounded by the same few persons. especially from upper sec onwards. of course there are quite a number who stay for awhile, and subsequently move on for good. like a couple of the old badminton guys, like andy and nigel, who were close friends for a short while. and in upper sec, a couple of the hp guys like chai and paul, also close friends for awhile. and of course, people like kevin, jinhao, jackson and dunnowhoelse.

but since as far as i can remember hazel and ben have always been the annoying sidekicks in my high school and then college life. and from upper sec onwards, jijo. reading back ben’s old posts, i realise how much all of us have changed. and all without ourselves noticing. that’s why it’s good to keep a blog eh haha. but it’s eerie i don’t even remember how and why i was like just a few years ago. but i guess these will be the memories that we’ll each bring with us down the road, even 30, 40 years later. it’s amazing, some of these stuff, really.

i think i’m already losing a few of my self-proclaimed 10 bestfriends. i don’t know what’s gonna happen from here onwards. but i think it’s coming to some sort of make-or-break thing already i don’t have much hope. no specifics, but not that hard to guess by rule of elimination, since my class clique and old friends are still in contact and very much alive.

and congrats jijo for your sword of merit and sword of honour nomination. it’s an honour indeed to be your bestiexzxz. very impressive for someone who whines nearly as much about army as me. so now you can go and ask **** to go comms ball with you i’m sure she’d be more than willing HAHAHAHA. thank me for free publicity plz.

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i actually penned an entry about the merits of army 2 weeks ago in my journal. but everytime i’m at home i can’t bring myself to post it here. it is so……. out of character. and i end up feeling disgusted with myself haha. i don’t know what evil being possessed me when i actually felt that, wrote that. i think it was the residue euphoria from bmt/muz outing. and mostly boredom. yes. yes. must be it.

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i’m meeting more and more new people every day i absolutely cannot stand but for everyone’s sake i shall only, as usual, complain and bitch to jiajun in camp. thank goodness i still have him, even if he keeps saying i’m effing stupid hahahaahahhahah

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i’m like 53 kg now, 4 more than pre-OOC. must be the lack of exercise and cup noodles EVERY freaking night. but i am starting to exercise again ok even though it’s really very minimal. anyway added to the 5 gained in bmt (46 to 51), and thereafter lost (back to 49), i can proudly declare that 7.25 months of army gave me 7 more kg. maybe another 1 yr 3 months later i’ll be 53 + 15 = 68 kg????????

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last night i dreamed that i was late for mrs sow’s chem lab lesson. when i walked in she glared at me. and then i went to sit down beside sean and jijo. can’t remember anything after that. come to think of it, high school was quite fun too, though not as much as college.

I might have said something about this before but…

I realise the only time i’m truly happy is when i’m looking forward to something good. not when i’m actually doing it, because then i would keep dwelling on it coming to an end. (though it doesn’t apply for ORD, haha) i’ve got many many examples just that i don’t feel like sharing it here. i don’t usually lock entries because then it defeats the purpose of a blog. the people who will read in the end are usually those who already know without me blogging about it. but yeah. i need to live my life looking forward to something, something that’s more, well, within reach than say, ORD.

The best thing about army is that sometimes i feel very peaceful at night. But the same nights, after the lights are out and everyone has gone to sleep, make for a lonely, melancholic kind of peace. It’s not good. I take quite awhile to fall asleep because i keep thinking and thinking about everything. whether it is the futility of my wishes against the all-powerful SAF or like, random girls. or ruminating over things that should be rightfully consigned to history.

As I’ve said before, i’ll just keep looking forward to every weekend, because the next best things in life are my bestest friends, emo QS, emo Hazel, emo Ben and Happy everyone else. And home sweet home. I’ve pretty much given up on organising gatherings because it is so troublesome and irritating when everybody seems to be perpetually busy.

Which brings me to the fact that the past week i’ve been going out fagging frequently with ms qinsheng!!! the week before i met ms benpoh on quite a regular basis too. can’t seem to remember seeing anyone else much. the stayin guys it’s understandable but the rest i don’t know why always MIA.

special shoutout: WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS BUSY WHEN EVERYONE IS BUSY AND FREE WHEN EVERYONE IS FREE? how to go out like that! today i spent 10 to 5 playing bejeweled wtf . i broke high score by quite a bit but to illustrate my point at the beginning of the post, i didn’t feel that great even though i was really like gunning for it the whole time. at the end of the day i guess Miley Cyrus is right– ‘it’s the cliiiiiiiiiiimb’ (ok stab me)

lunch with BMT section mates tmr looking forward to meeting Muz Kaiming Lester and the rest. haven’t seen my buddybuddy since block leave in early june!!! it’s gonna be so boomz!

ok cheers

last night was one of the more memorable and enjoyable nights of recent times. probably the most.

haha i know i keep going back to school council events to er, support the juniors. but mainly we just wanted to inject some fun in our drastically boring army lives. it all began when ben got us tickets from his brother nigel (thanks we love you) so ben, wk, jonhu, qs and i went. a nostalgic dinner at golden rooster marked the start of our glorious night. not to mention positively embarrassing as we spent most of the night crashing 948758916 entrances to the trail/maze, of which i shall not go into detail about.

but in the end after a lot of hassle, we did go through the legitimate way with random j1 girls. because of the stupid max-2-guys-in-one-group rule that we ourselves came up with 2 years ago. but i guess it was a blessing in disguise because it was more fun that way.

on scream itself i didn’t find it scary one bit except for all the sudden pop-up ghosts everywhere. maybe it’s because we’ve gone through it so many times already, albeit slightly different versions every year. or maybe it’s because i kept comparing with ours which i think was better okay la but it was still quite a good try on the whole the acting and setup were good just that the script and scare factor weren’t enough i think??? haha ok nvm i hope no one from 36th will read this.

but i guess the objective, both for us and for them, was achieved because the most important thing is to have fun even though i didn’t look like i did (because i really don’t know how to react to being scared) but it was really comical in a nice way so yes, mission accomplished (:

after that minus woankeng we went to flirt (not very successfully) with the 36th songs ic and following which we sat in the middle of the central plaza to wallow in self-pity and whine and emo and emo and emo about our pathetic ns lives.

god, i wanna ord.

On impulse and sheer emotions and part boredom i penned an entry on tuesday, after a fortuitous lunch gave me the opportunity to catch the first 20 mins or so of the documentary? on Hwa Chong. Anyway it’s definitely cool to see this all outside of HC for the first time, to feel so immensely proud of my school my home. It made me reflect to no end about My hwachong experience. irreplaceable, unique, glorious. i’m sure there are lots about other schools that i don’t know, duh. but if only there were ways to share with the friends in camp what it’s like. I’m so proud of my hwachong times, love it so much. even high school.

The past few weeks i’ve been frequently extremely annoyed by my dear bedbuddy Moses’ flaunting of AC and everything about it. and the very indiscreet bashing of  ‘chinatown’ hwachong and all. But more and more i find myself realising that there’s no point in all the return boasting and public gushing. These days whenever we compare schools i merely smile inwardly and just revel in my own treasure trove of recollections and fond, sweet memories.

Why is it always that separation and goodbyes must take place before i learn to appreciate the goodness and beauty of many many things? anyway, love hwachong a lot, in spite of everything hateful i’ve ever said about it (which is actually a lot, come to think of it)

Back to the CNA production. after reading through a couple of my friends’ blogs i do agree it’s rather cringeworthy at some points. and only serves to reinforce the chinatown image of our school. i loved the maf bits though, even though gross understatement was taken to new extremes with over-generalised declarations like oh, hwa chong provided me with fulfilling experiences and let me forge strong bonds with my friends. or something like that can’t exactly remember. i wish i got to watch the rest of the programme, but like qs expressed,

at the end of the day it just served to remind me of my happiest moments in Hwachong.

tuesday night was rainy and very lonely.

Grandslam 2’s just over for the guys, and judging from their stories it really was helluva 4 days for them. i’m glad i’m finally ‘ooc lo!’ (as i painstakingly smsed to everyone the previous friday)

Anyway, it meant that i had a lot of time to myself the past week while they were outfield. for the lack of things to do (between reading, eating and sleeping) i basically spent my time thinking deep thoughts. and not so deep thoughts. i scribbled a short diary entry for the first time since bmt ended. was considering transferring everything here but it’ll be pretty weird to replicate an entry centred around entirely different emotions. and there are issues i don’t want to publish on this platform.

on scribbling, i have done pretty a lot of that in my army journal, to add on to drafts of letters and poems haha. i have come up with many many lists of the most random things i could think of. like ranking my council friends ‘gold’, ’silver’ and ‘bronze’ in terms of friendship value hahahaha kill me i know. i have also tried recalling all the jaychou songs i like which is quite a number. and the different groups of people whose phone numbers i’ve lost and intend to dig out again. like 2g, 4g, a13, badminton, council, p6 friends and etc. and then there is a list of prospective names i’ll give to my children-to-be. and a list of qualities i want in a prospective partner. i repeat, kill me haha.

last night i was in a tempestuous mood, for seemingly mild reasons. primarily it was the whole world’s reluctance to go out last night after bookout. the bookout which was crazy delayed, unnecessarily somemore. okay that one wasn’t anyone’s fault. so i don’t blame anyone. but then i came home and the computer was still down with a killer virus. and i hate wasting precious time out of camp. so now i’m using the old laggy desktop, thankfully it still functions.

okay i’m gonna get changed already, meeting hazel and jijo and benpoh tonight at kap/al azhar. thankfully i still have my oldest friends around.

As ASLC goes into week 6, i’m feeling more and more hopeless and dead. taking the BSLC guys for a few days was relatively fun. made me feel like i shouldn’t have ooced. okay i’m not really ooc yet, but i believe i missed too much to continue already. my staff probably hates me too much to let me continue. at the moment i’m just dragging my feet through this course, doing nearly everything the others are doing, just that i know i will fail course in the end. it’s bearable la, but irritating. what to do, suck thumb yet again and cross my fingers i’ll get it soon. at this point i don’t think i’ll regret oocing. just that i don’t really mind being a sgt that much already.

okay no crying over spilt milk. i made the choice so i’ll stick to it.

the worst part about all this is that i don’t know what to look forward to. i’m not really interested in anything army anymore. i’m not even super excited by the possibility of a slack posting after i finally ooc.

outside of army, i don’t feel like i’ve anything much to look forward to too. there are moments i’ll feel significantly cheered up by the prospect of meeting my bestfriends the following weekend. whether for good ol’ heart-to-heart talks or partying, it doesn’t matter. i love good company. speaking of which, i’m finally going to meet up with the class clique this coming sat. it’s been eons.

other times, i feel like this phase in (a singaporean man’s) life is really mental torture. a year and four months to go. it wouldn’t be that bad if i still had my bslc mates with me. but no. i really don’t feel like i’ve many friends in those left. probably i can count them with a single hand. that’s probably why i go to sleep every night feeling so alone and hapless.

and oh by the way, it’s just been decreed that ankle socks are not allowed for book in/out. what kind of stupid kindergarten rule is that?

The past couple of weeks i’ve resumed contact with friends leaving for studies abroad. okay actually it’s just a few letters and smses and all. but doing that made me quite sad because i realised i haven’t talked to anyone else besides the usual guys i meet up with most weekends. and a few were actually good friends at various points of time. well it was still good seeing like shimin and yiming and huiping on maf. too bad thanks to army i couldn’t go to the airport. (cough xiu cough ying)

anyway, i realised i haven’t really grown out of my childhood fetishes loves such as pokemon and animorphs and jaychou. even though i’m slightly out-of-touch, i still feel warm and comforted thinking about them. just a random thought.

okay. at this point i just hope that staff wouldn’t give me too much trouble tmr when i return from att c. ooc soon please, and some stability in my ns life, thanks.

and SATURDAY! i can’t wait.

and then what?

was super.

contrary to some others i’ve been excited about it since quite some time ago. and now that it’s over i feel quite sad. but anyway it was really enjoyable. before i knew it the whole event was over already.

i enjoyed

- dinner with woankeng and jinyang and ben at sixth ave
- running around sch with the councilors
- reminiscing about our own maf 2 years ago
- seeing 7481940148195 familiar faces,
- talking to them
- and not so familiar but pleasant looking faces ie eye candies
- singing college songs
- mass dance with haha shimin
- the re-emergence of koh jun shyang (and mag)
- rotting away at inner plaza with councilors
- extra-ing at ecaco supper (not i thick skin, wk and jj pangsehed)
- liquids cafe and stayover and macs breakfast and htht with junjie

it was a real pity i didn’t get to meet up with yuxuan and calvin whom i really really haven’t seen in a very very long time especially the former whose commando spec vocation takes him to brunei and xanadu and disappearance.

also felt unbearably like climbing the citygate. a lot a lot.

i feel quite out-of-touch with blogging and writing in general but since i don’t wanna let this place rot and die (readership still sinking uncontrollably) it’s necessary i update as regularly as i can. hah. and hopefully this post sounds light-hearted enough. it’s definitely not my intention to “act emo” thanks shimin hahaha.

anyway next week sucks. i think i’m getting charged for “skipping the chain of command” please ask me for full story haha anyway hopefully it won’t affect my next bookout. live firing again on sat mega ZZZZZZZZZ.

and guess what… I AM STILL AN SCT WTF please

can’t wait for next year’s maf i know i think very far kthxbye

sucked emo balls

1. long story short, my brilliant ooc plan has run into a few huge problems but it’s currently still work in progress. been mega pissed off at the delay, the doctors, the lousy letters.

2. as a result, i still have to go for training and lessons which is a complete waste of time since i’m gonna ooc soon anyway. damn effing frustrating, i swear.

3. i miss my old section/bunkmates. a lot a lot. miss the laughter the fun the noise. miss the heart to heart talk.

4. hate my new bunkmates. bravo bastards. okay actually some of them are okay. but many are damn weird. and platoon has these 2 identical, immensely irritating idiots. can’t stand them.

5. miss the feeling of having someone special. a girlfriend, in other words.

6. the ooc ppl from the other 2 platoons are lazy bastards. most of them, anyway.

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but okay la i’ve made a few new friends too. helpful section 4 guys dom and javis and a few more. and thankfully there are quite a number of nice guys around too whose names i unfortunately don’t quite recall. oh, and actually my new bestfriend these days is my nano. surprise. guess it’s not anyone’s fault that i feel crazy alone these days.

tmr’s off in lieu. till the day i ooc and am deemed unfit for recourse, i shall be depressed. goodbye.